A list of common Gender Affirmation Procedures

Not exhaustive, yet I am exhausted.

Colouring your hair with Just for Men

Having a bikini wax

Using dating apps

Buying a £2k handbag because you saw an influencer “rock it”

Taking a broga class 

Spin class

Going to the gym

Actually ALL forms of physical fitness (besides maybe shot-put).

Getting highlights before a night out with the girlies

Posting or Reposting the Spiderman-Finger-Pointing meme

Maintaining a good relationship with your father

Figuring out which of you is a Carrie, who is the Samantha, the Miranda or the Charlotte. (See also Joey/Chandler/Ross).

Drinking from a pint glass 

Buying sunglasses at the airport

Wearing a push-up bra

Special dietary requirements

Using pronouns

Preferring tea to coffee, or vice versa, ESPECIALLY vice versa

Applying cosmetics (unless they come unscented, in a plain white mid-size tub with no visible branding)

Taking your husband’s name in marriage

Shopping online

Getting braces

Having a very specific understanding of where you are or believe yourself to be on the socio-economic ladder, e.g. “I’m middle-middle class”

Weighing in on Megan Markle’s impact on the reputation of the royal family 

Choosing underwear based on anything besides practical concerns

Going vegan

Bridesmaid’s dresses


Cargo shorts

Email signatures

Tarot readings


Using commas correctly

HRT medicines which relieve unwanted side-effects of the menopause


Positive Affirmations

Getting in touch with your inner child without the intention of apologising

Ridiculing people you don’t know for how they dress or do their hair

Booking a seat in premium economy

Referring to your friends by anything other than their GIVEN LEGAL NAME

Watching the Only Way is Essex/Made in Chelsea/ or a Real Housewives franchise and enjoying it

Putting a national flag in your Twitter bio

Putting your parental status in a Twitter bio

Having a Twitter bio

Driving a car

Owning a pet

Saying, “at the end of the day”, as if it were a reasonable argument

Talking with any degree of seriousness about the trans lobby or the trans agenda

Going to therapy (or refusing to go to therapy)

Drinking alcohol on public transport 

Disposing of your fag ends in an empty can of beer

Denying the existence of God

Sending Christmas cards

Using an email address which is anything other than firstname.lastname@provider.com

Having a favourite movie - especially if it stars Brando, Taylor, Dean, Hepburn. A, Monroe, Bogart, or any combination of the above 

Cooking Italian food 

Employing irony

Watching pornography

Fixing your hair in front of a mirror

Bulking up

Dropping a dress size for Christmas

Magazine subscriptions, or paying to read The Washington Post, The Times etc

Messy buns (see also M*n B*ns)

Donating to animal charities


Duetting on “It Takes Two Baby” at karaoke parties

Wearing shorts in the city when it’s only 10ºc/50ºF out

Having hobbies or interests

Feeling nice about yourself for more than three or four minutes a week

Applying lip balm 

Images of Pete Burns (R.I.P) provided by the internet.